THE WEIGHT LOSS *ugh*

Looking to lose 20 by the end of April...

In process of recreating my eating regimen.

Since I don't work from home full time anymore, it is much easier (to NOT snack all the time) however lately I've been fluctuating between six pounds and its driving me insane.

Tommorrow I will do a more detailed update

Stay tuned! :)

::::SOFT SEX:::::

*hangs head in self pity*

You know I've always been pretty frank when it comes to sex. Actually, I think I'm pretty good at it for a fatty girl. I'd like to believe I KNOW what I'm doing but that shit isn't always reciprocated now is it?

I dated this guy once whom I'll dub the name SOFTY. Now this cat had major attitude and charm, and he was an asshole. Call me twisted but I was intrigued by it. In the process of getting to know each other, he majestically slid in the fact he lived with his moms. OK, SIGN number 1. I will say you MUST pay attention to this story so you can see all the f- ups I made ha! Ok anyhow, softy was in the process of a separation- hmm ok I can swing that "I guess". I honestly became void to the idea of getting to know him but of course like some women we ignore the little voice and listen to the one that leads us in the land of no damn good.

So we went out on a few dates, nothing elaborate that I was use to. You see, I had the agenda because well I kinda just wanted it to be casual you know? Therefore, my expectations weren't mega high as long as he covered the basics. Many would argue this is how you end up getting to where I ended but who said life was fair? Me and this man spent alot of time together and as things progressed, I noticed little shit. The kind of shit that made me raise an eyebrow or two. However, I'd brush it off. Such as him elaborating on how much he loved to eat pussy. Ok sign #2. In my hay day, any joker who keeps raving on about his Y licking abilities has something wrong with his ass. Yet, I just casually listened and sure I was intrigued by it.

What girl doesn't want good head you know? So the days/weeks traveled and I said you know maybe I'll give him the cookies because I needed a piece *shrug* And he seemed nice, and well why not? Hmmm

The night leading up to use swapping fuck faces, Softy leisurely slid in the fact he had to go purchase MAGNUMS. Now I'm no saint but I also know I dont need a whole lot to get me on Full mark either. I said self, is this fool trying to gas me up? I pray telled he wasn't because I kindly said:

"Umm so how big is it?"

"Oh on a good day about 8 or 9 inches"

Ok this is sign #3. Wtshit does a good day mean? A friend of mine who cried tears as I recanted this horror story said did you not ask this man what was a bad day?

I didn't and the more I began to piece this saga together, I felt like I should have just bowed out of the entire ordeal. But, see what kept me motivated was the idea of him and this hurricane tongue. The fact that I needed his face down there between my thick thighs while I smashed his head in it. Yea graphic artist of the year award goes to me right? *pats self on the back*

So yea, we hook up and I noticed during foreplay he wasn't RISING. His noodle remained limp and I said self is it me? Nah because if so why would the boy continuously keep his head in the Y??? I lied there enjoying this orgasm bliss but then said damn can a girl get a piece?

He walked over to the dresser and I did notice this man wasn't fully erect. He did however slide on his EQUIPMENT lmao and proceeded to have intercourse.

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm WAIT

I said were you ready?

He kept saying yea but its like I was ruining his concentration. This joker was focused so that he could finish the race. He then went back to what he was good at then came back and tried again.

The end of this disaster was him humping his life away with a softy. His dick stayed at ground level and the kite just wouldn't fly high. My entire spirit had been tarnished, my soul corrupted by the fuckery of a 46 year old pops giving me soft sex.

Soft effin sex?????????????????????????????????

When done, he wipes sweat from his forehead and removes his jimmy in the bathroom. I was still in culture shock from being in this hostile environment. Did I deserve this? Uh you bet I did..I had all the signs but yet ignored them because the boy said he could give head. Go figure.

The next day he was apprehensive about seeing/talking to me and with damn good reason. I wanted to tell him to lose my digits and buy a fuck dolly from Adam and Eve and stop wasting womens time but although I'm an asshole I didn't. When he did come around there was the conversation of

was it good? blah blah blah.

Sureeeeeeeeeeeeeee it was.
Yes, I lied.

***Blows the Dust Bunnies*** THE DIVA RETURNS:)

My weight loss sister and friend Princess Valecia- please look for her fabulous blog-lol has been bullying me to get back into this blog thing. Ahh I will confess I was a diligent blogger on another platform for years but FINALLY I have found a momentum again and knack for wanting to do it. So I'm here to stay this time..no less than three posts a week. You will also get to delve into my personal life which can be crudely interesting at times..stay tuned!

Since my last post I have maintained diet and excercise but I fell back into the yo yo trap. My lowest weigh in was a week before my before my birthday Oct 30th 315 POUNDS. After my bday I creeped back to 324 sigh. I knew better..all the drinking and eating I was doing. Lucky for me I have learned what my body needs to get the weight off so now I am 318! My goal is to be 310 by Christmas.

Dieting is hard. It's more than just counting calories and following an exercise plan. One of the humps I had to cross was even though I went to the gym to burn 700 calories, if I ate 3000 in a day I was being counterproductive. Not to mention, you have to have a sincere focus to want to lose the weight. Not every other week, or once a month, but a consistent regimen that will get the pounds off and KEEP THEM OFF!

So yes ladies and gentleman I'm back on the wagon. I resist the smell of donuts at the grocery store bakery and opt for a bran muffins. At the drive through of Mc Donalds there is the salad menu and dining out is becoming easier. I'll have a taste of an appetizer and take the rest home. I also may order a high calorie meal but eat an extremely small portion and get full from a side salad. Another stumbling block is saying no to alcohol- as I bow my head in utter shame yes I am a lush. I don't require AA (smile) but a cocktail can be up to 800 calories depending on the syrups used so imgaine candidly having three in a night while mingling with friends?!!!

My clothes fit better, I am a 22/24 withouth having to use a 26 for anything! Its a great feeling and I've come a long way since my size 28 days in 2006. What in the world will happen when I'm 200 pounds again? I can't wait to find out:)

Until next time......

HEALTHY EATING

One of my biggest issues with dieting is the actual DIET. Not being able to have cookies, little debbie cakes, root beer floats, bakers square pecan pie...Jenkies need I go on?

It has taken about three months to adjust to my new way of eating. I still cheat from time to time. I couldn't fathom not having some form of sugar at least twice a week BUT I am sure to balance it out with two workouts for that day vs. one. Generally I walk in the morning and evening on Wednesdays and hit the gym twice of Thursdays. Speaking of walking I'm super sore lately from these three mile jaunts but I'm toning up so nicely.

Ok so while shopping for miscellaneous blah blah at Pick and Save this morning, I came across a delightful serve yourself salad bar. it had so many different varities and I thought gee I think I'll have one of these babies for din din and voila!

I think this is the best seven bucks I've ever spent. And quite naturally I threw in crab meat and broc. Just to get some more green veggies. I think I may run to the store later and grab some stuff for a more healthier dressing. All I have at home is hidden valley RANCH..my FAVE THING in the world. Do you know two tablespoons is 120 freaking cals? Sheesh, thats like one piece of chicken covered lol. Oh and of course dessert is yogurt with blue berries and granola!

I had juice and a granola bar for breakfast and a 210 calorie Lean Cuisine for lunch. Today's total? Around 1500-maybe 1600 including the sunchips and 60 calorie pudding cup I had for snacks.

I'm starting a zumba class and pole dancing soon..I cant WAIT to get started!

Three Thorns in My Side

Lately I've been into the dancing scene at home and I'm really digging it because often times the gym can become boring. Me and my ipod have a sweaty good time in my living room..LOL. It's a great cardio burner and if its 30 minutes of booty shaking fun you can burn up to 435 cals!

On another note I'm completely bummed about this three pounds thats been haunting me over a week and a half now. To be perfectly honest with myself I know its' because I've been cheating but just a little. My workouts are balancing out my calorie intake so that I'm not excessively gaining. Still in all, it's annoying as hell! Such as yesterday when I had a very HIGH CAL breakfast. I should have kept it extremely light the rest of the day with a shake and maybe salad for dinner. But in fixing my daughter her dinner I felt compelled to treat myself to a helping. Sigh, it is incredibly easy to lose track of yourself.

I'm very pleased with the progress I've made thus far though. My clothes fit different, and I'm wearing stuff that none of my fat would allow me to even zip or button up last year!!! Soon enough I'll be another size smaller after about lets say 10 pounds. Yippee!

So that I'm accountable for every morsel I eat today this is my tentative menu:

Breakfast:

Lean Shake (purchased the mix at GNC)

with Yoplait Yogurt.

Lunch:

Lean Cuisine

8 oz of V8 Splash Tropical Blend (I love this stuff)

Snack:

Wheat Thins

Glass of Water

Dinner:

Grilled Salmon

Plenty of Green Veggies (broccoli or green beans)

Wheat Noodles in a Light Sauce.

Water or Tea

This should be about 1500 cals. I have to account for the slight chance of me munching on a snack I may fix for my daughter. If I give her chips I may eat two. First key to dieting is honesty and knowing your weaknesses. I don't deprive myself but sometimes I CAN lose FOCUS if I don't consistently count my cals throughout the day.

Hopefully I'll have this three pound thorn out of my side by weeks end.

Overcoming the Complacent Weight

I created this blog to materalize a balance of my weightloss journey. I figured by socializing with those of my like venture and seeing my progress in black and white, I would be able to be more accountable for my actions and not to mention possibly help a fellow dieter along the way!

I, my dear reader two years ago weighed in as 360 pounds. I put off posting this blog for the longest because just to have to acknowledge my old weight makes my stomach turn, but the positive effect is that it keeps me focused on to NEVER go down that road again.

so how did I get this fat in the first place?

Like most who are full figured, it was my way of life since a teenager. I've always maintained a nice solid frame and never became what most would say extremely obese, but after leaving home and going out on my own my weight ballooned. Looking back I think the stress of leaving my parents on not so good circumstances, and the fact I hardly cooked for myself didn't help either. I was eating take out 75 percent of my week, and was getting home cooked meals only if I was at a friends house.

Fast forward, I had a really nice Office Manager job with a reputable furniture retailer in 2007. My manager didn't like me, to say the least, because I think my ambitions to really understand my position and to seek help from other office managers so that I KNEW how to perform my job effectively bothered her. She was what most would consider a dumb manager, not really knowing her job herself so who was I to make that known to everyone else? Needless to say, I came to work one day and was terminated because if I recall her wanton story correctly- I couldn't retain information..HA..hilarity right?

I slipped into this FOOD DEPRESSION. I kept eating all day while on unemployment and as my clothes got tighter, I simply bought bigger ones. It got to the point I would only have ONE pair of jeans that were flattering, and would wear them if I ever went out, but at home stayed in moo moo's. Sheesh, its as though I became a cat lady without the cats! lol.

A friend at the time joined a gym and said I should go. I never thought of joining the gym before but I figured heck why not. It was hard, I generally could only do 20 minutes on the treadmill and that's it, but after about four months I lost 30 pounds! I was so so happy and couldn't wait to ditch all my size 28 jeans! But then something happened..........

I LOST FOCUS

I started college classes and between that and limiting my workouts to two days a week my weight simply maintained itself. I have NO IDEA why I stopped dieting. I guess because I was so elated that I made one achievement that I couldn't see pushing myself to the next goal. I attended the gym but my weight would only fluctuate between three and four pounds at a time.

After moving to Wisconsin, I still worked out but became annoyed at not being able to stay on track! Last year I ballooned back to 342, but lost it all again thank God! I am now 324 pounds as of this morning. I have been consistently dieting since this February and have lost around 20 pounds. I've had alot going on emotionally between this time so the weight may have came back at some points and then I took it off again.

Due to strategy, and having my body learn to eat small portions all over again I now work out at least 4 days a week. When I'm bored in the gym, I take three mile walks at a beach near my home and now I can do it without taking a break! My stamina is through the roof and it feels awesome!

A recent pic...this was a few months ago but so far so good!

I plan to check in a few times a week to update my stats, daily menus, temptations and much more. Please feel free to follow and I will in return!

See you on the scale :)